Do you suffer from aches and pains when you wake up in the morning? Perhaps your knees buckle slightly when you move or do you feel some slight pain...
Do you suffer from aches and pains when you wake up in the morning? Perhaps your knees buckle slightly when you move or do you feel some slight pain in your back as you shift your weight? If so, then you are not alone. Many people suffer from mild aches and pains and they all wish to find a solid way of alleviating the problem. However, most people do not consider the holistic relief they can get with Whole Life Coaching.
Treating physical pain of this sort is commonly done through traditional means and medications. Well-known treatments are most often chosen because they are familiar and readily available. While they are helpful and do have value, a look at alternative healing practices may provide new opportunities for relief from chronic pain. These alternative methods of treating physical pain are often enjoyable, as well as, beneficial for the ease or elimination of chronic pain.
For instance, did you know that yoga can be used therapeutically to treat pain? Yoga improves the overall functioning of the body and classes are available that have been designed specifically for this purpose. Physical activity of any kind improves flexibility and increases strength and muscular endurance. Yoga as a form of physical activity can also do these things as well and it is a whole lot more fun than some forms of exercise. You can see why alternative healing practices like these are becoming more and more popular.
Tai Chi and Chi Kung (Qi Gong) are forms of Chinese medicine that are growing in popularity because they are a form of alternative healing that brings tremendous results. Both are available at recreation centers across the country and are being used regularly to enhance the bodys healing ability. They are not quasi-mystical healing methods but rather sensible forms of exercise that have been used for centuries. They have become popular for a reason: they work!
Structured classes are not the only means of participating in the healing benefits of exercise. Simple stretching, walking or any light exercises done at home on a regular basis can have a big impact on your bodys ability to heal. Stretching will increase ligament movement which will ease the tightness in your body that often causes pain. These stretches are easy to learn and any can do them making them a popular choice.
When a persons body systems are not functioning harmoniously, it can cause physical pain. This is the theory behind the popular energy based remedies for chronic pain.
Alternative healing practices like the Body Talk System help an individual create harmony between the mind and body to create a more balance environment, thus alleviating the need for physical pain. Alternative healing practices work very well in combination with tradition medicine. Using both methods together can help balance all of the bodys systems and together work more effectively than each to alone. This is why many doctors are now suggesting alternative healing practices together with their treatment plan.
An optimum treatment plan for chronic pain includes the best of traditional medicine in combination with alternative healing practices. Selecting from both healing menus can effectively create a comfortable plan for each individual allowing for excellent results.
A Whole Life Coach is able to create an approach that incorporates energy therapy, exercise, and healing with stress relief and mind/body balancing as a way to banish your pain. This holistic approach is becoming very popular with people who want to address the root causes of pain rather than just treating the symptoms.
Donna Burick utilizes a variety of practices to help people allieviate chronic pain and create the life they desire. Donna uses this unique fusion to uncover and remove subconscious blocks that keep painful patterns in place.
“It feels like I’m lying on thumb tacks,” I tell my husband as he crawls into bed beside me. “But there is nothing there! I feel so bruised.”
“I’m sorry,” he offers with a sympathetic voice, but there is little else he can do.
“I feel a little nauseous tonight too,” I respond. “I wonder if I should eat some crackers or something. . . or if that would just upset my stomach more. It has to be the medications. It will probably pass soon.” Before I can finish my sentence he is already asleep.
Most of us have a spouse who we would call our dearest friend. If our relationship is a good one, it is natural to want to share what we are experiencing with them. If our relationship is on the bumpy side, we may think that if he could just understand the daily pain we live with a bit better, maybe it would explain our moodiness, and in fact, bring us closer together emotionally.
I’ve never met anyone who desired to be a burden to their loved ones, but it’s natural to want to talk about the invisible pain we are going through. When we are hurting we want those who care about us the most to have some idea of what our daily reality is and by talking about our pain, it makes it “real.” It’s no longer something “all in our head” but rather it becomes validated.
Galatians 6:2 tells us “Carry each others burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” At some point we must carry these burdens to the Lord, as well as a close friend, rather than just count on our spouse to carry the burden of listening about each ache.
Although your spouse may not be suffering from a physical ailment, there are still many losses that he is grieving. For example, it is an emotional thing to watch someone you love be in pain and not be able to fix it. He may be suffering as he watches you lose the ability to do things you love. He likely misses the couple outings you once took together when you could do physically active events, whether it was skiing, or just taking long walks together on the beach. He may be frustrated that even his hugs can cause you to wince. Counselors have found that there are three major areas where marriages suffer: money, time and physical intimacy.
Your marriage may be having difficulties in all three, specifically because of the role chronic illness has taken on within your marriage. Is it possible to “share our burdens” with our spouse without overburdening him and making him want to run the other way every time we open our mouth to share another symptom of our ailments?
Consider your spouse your partner and the illness the third party
It’s easy to think of you and your illness “up against” your spouse, but the illness should be the third party, not your spouse. Although you will often feel that your spouse is merely a spectator to the pain you are in, he is feeling his own kind of pain due to your illness. Make him a part of fighting this battle to have the life you want to have in a way that he is comfortable with.
Gently educate your spouse on your illness. Allow his presence at doctor’s visits and provide answers to his questions about your illness, especially when you are first receiving a diagnosis. If he is not much of a reader, instead of handing him the five books you’ve read, give him a brochure or find some podcasts that may be helpful for him to listen to. Acknowledge that your roles or responsibilities may be changing. If you are unable to scrub the bathroom tub any longer, don’t avoid talking about it while the grime grows in there! Instead, be honest about your limitations and decide together how to accomplish all the tasks or household chores.
Connie Kennemer who lives with multiple sclerosis shares, “I am not as mobile as I used to be and often ask more of my husband. ‘Can you work at home this afternoon? Why do you have to go to another meeting?’ etc. How much should he accommodate me because my body is changing? He doesn’t always know when to stop and encourage me to try things myself. This is a constant challenge.”
Be reasonable in your expectations
It is quite common that we end up marrying someone who has the opposite personality style as we do. You may want to talk about your illness a great deal and read books of information on it. You may sign up for all the support group meetings to have a chance to talk about it and make new friends that you have your illness in common with. If your spouse doesn’t read the books or want to accompany you to your meetings, remember that it is not because he doesn’t care, but likely because he is dealing with the diagnosis in his own way within his own personality style.
On the other hand, maybe you take things as they come and don’t want to get on the internet and read every detail about the symptoms you may have. Your spouse may wonder why you aren’t more interested in finding out how to best treat (and even cure) this disease. He may go as far as to accuse you of being in denial about your illness. He may want to see you be more passionate about being healed than you are. A wonderful book that will help you smooth out some of your communication is “Men are Like Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti” by Bill and Pam Farrell.
Have information about your illness available for when he is ready
Sometimes we can just talk in circles about our pain and illness, never really getting to anything specific or a topic that can help our marriage grow. Perhaps one of the most effective tools to share something is to place sticky notes on pages of a books you’d like him to review with comments about topics you’d like to discuss. You can hand it to him and say, “There is a great example in this book about what we are experiencing right now. Would you be willing to read it and then maybe we can talk about it later?” Shares Connie, “After ten years of living with MS, I am past the whiney stage, but Rex sometimes holds back; that’s when I need to ask him more questions about his feelings.”
Creatively keep him informed about the embarrassing parts of the illness
If your illness is going to cause you to be in the bathroom during eighty percent of the events you attend together, you need to let your spouse know that this is part of the disease. Health organizations have brochures on symptoms. You can say, “I’m dealing with some personal matters of this illness right now; I don’t really want to talk about them yet, but they’re in this brochure if you’re wondering.” Avoid sharing every detail if you can.
Look for other ways to vent besides your spouse’s shoulder
“I realized that I held onto all of my frustrations of pain during the day and then ‘threw’ them at my husband as he came in the door,” shares Cheryl, who lives with chronic fatigue syndrome. “My actions set the tone for our entire evening and even though I felt better, he felt worse, and it lasted all night. He was beginning to dread coming home at night.”
Cheryl began to put aside the last two hours of her day to spend time writing in her journal, praying and doing something she enjoyed that calmed her. “Writing in my journal gave me the chance to express my frustrations, and then prayer really began to minimize the negativity too. My husband quickly noticed a difference and it’s made our relationship so much stronger.”
Develop interests and hobbies
Too often we talk about our illness because it’s the only thing going on in our lives. Volunteer to be on a prayer chain, write that book you’ve been meaning to write, or get involved in a scrapbook club and start putting together albums for your grandchildren. You’ll find even you aren’t as interested in talking about your illness when you have more interesting things to share.
Conclusion
So, the question remains: how much talk is too much? Unfortunately, there is not a perfect answer that applies to everyone. It’s different for each person and each marriage. Learn to be objective. Honestly ask yourself, “How often am I bringing up my illness? How do I benefit from talking about it more often than necessary? Do I need validation? Understanding? Actual physical help with tasks around the house?” If you want attention from your spouse and this seems to be the only way to get it, admit that to yourself! How can you get some of these needs filled by God instead of your spouse? How is it negatively impacting your life, or those around you, by discussing it all the time?
And then take a moment to really ask yourself “Is there a better, more creative way that I can create intimacy with my spouse, other than just complaining about each ache and pain? What activities can I still share that could help us grow closer together?”
And then when you want to share about your pain, send up a prayer to the Lord beforehand: “Lord, I don’t want to burden anyone else with something they can’t fix, and I really need a hug from you right now. I know how much my spouse cares about me; please give me the wisdom to know when to ask for help and comfort from him/her and when to come only to You and ask you to fulfill all of my emotional needs.”
Don’t miss other articles and overall support while living with chronic illness or pain visit Rest Ministries so you don’t miss our and be entered for our monthly giveaway. Lisa Copen is the director of Rest Ministries, author of 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend” and founder behind National Invisible chronic illness Awareness Week.
categories: chronic illness,marriage,husband,wife,spouse,chronic pain,sickness and health,communication,marriage and family,health,marriage and family,relationships,health,diseases and conditions
